It's beginning to look a lot like...

Winter is really quite beautiful here. I managed to take advantage of the last day before heavy snow on a run with Alex down 116, Mill Lane, and back up the bike path. It was cold, and you could tell winter was really coming, but it was such a great run that I'm going again soon, snow or not. Anyway, the first snow came earlier this week, and yesterday was the first real heavy snow.

The path up to Marsh after the first snow

Then a bit later...

My room after the first snow

After heavier snow again...

My actual walk to class in the morning

Even though I technically live "further" away from campus than pretty much everyone else but fellow Marshies, there is something kind of nice about living in a small, but cozy house up on a hill surrounded by a small wood and a big patch of open green (now white). That something is especially evident in the winter, when the whether outside is frightful but we've made a fire in the ballroom and everyone is cozy with blankets inside.


There is just something about waking up to that site that makes the soul a little lighter.

Of course, stepping out into it and having to double your efforts to get anywhere? Maybe not so fantastic. But real seasons = real changes, and that's what you've got to accept. It's a new season, and who knows what'll change these next few months. Something exciting might be on its way...

Adrenaline? Caffeine? Willpower?

I'm pretty much swamped with work to do these coming weeks, as is everybody, but I've got to say: right now, I feel fantastic.

I love school. I love what I'm learning, I love having the opportunity to learn more, I love the people I'm learning with. My biggest regret is that I can not be here longer to take in more.

I did lost my headphones, though. That sort of put a damper on my festivities.

Morrie's Honesty Box

I wish I had a real life honesty-box. Something where people could anonymously tell you what they truly thought about you. Everything. Nothing morphed for fear of repercussion, out of decorum, or to achieve an intended effect. Just the pure truth. I don't know if I can see through facades or get cues very well, and I know there are just those things that people don't say, but I want to know.

In Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie has his living funeral, where everyone comes to give their "last remarks", even though he is alive and sitting right there. In honesty, it makes a lot of sense. It takes the thought that someone might not be there anymore, or that something might change, to prompt us to break down inhibitions and say what we truly feel. In the case of funerals, it's too late for that person to hear. Morrie's approach is morbid, but it makes sense - besides, pretty much everyone who goes to a funeral has something they "wished they'd said"; well, there is the opportunity.

I want to know what people really think of me. Anything or everything. I want to know what effect I have on people.

In fact, if you're reading this, why don't you give it a shot?

Disappointments

I've realized the enormity of the concept that there are some things in your past that you just can't change. There are some things you may regret having done, or perhaps not having done, but they can never be fixed. Things happened the way they did, and it's sort of useless to dwell and wonder "what if" and "if only". No, there is no what if, only what was.

And that scares me. It scares me to think I'm getting older and now must really accept that these things are simply a part of me, a past that I can never escape. I wonder - can I really overcome them, really overlook them and feel like everything is going right again?

I'm tired of these thoughts dragging me down.

Monstosity

I will put up the few pictures I took from Tennessee when I find free time.

Which really might mean that I won't be doing it for quite a while. This next few weeks are going to be absolutely insane. Today I spent literally 6 hours straight somehow involved with Geology, from my TA meeting with Peter at 12:30 to Mineralogy discussion at 1:00 to Mineralogy lab at 2:00 to setting up the Geo 11 final project at 4:00 to working on the phase equilibrium problem set with Catherine and Sarah at 5:00 to actually going to Val and eating something at 6:30.

In other words, nuts. And I've still got two huge programs in computer science, a full length application, philosophy paper, chemistry test, lab report, mineralogy lab final, the actual Geo 11 final project, Turkish final, etc... all coming up soon!!

And this weekend is Vespers too! Meaning some extra rehearsal and practice for the Christmas music coming up. I can't decide which songs I really like and which I don't from our set this year. In the joint piece with the Women's chorus, there is one part where I love the Baritone solo - it's at full volume, set against the other parts, going "Sing oh my love, oh my love, my love, my love, this have I done for my true love." It's sort of epic, at least the way I hear it.

Despite the absolutely enormous load on me (and really on everyone) right now, I have to say that I'm doing and feeling pretty good. I'm really loving the material we're covering in my classes about this time of year, and I got a 100% on my chemistry test! If only I could be that confident about my performance on the upcoming thin-sections lab in Mineralogy. Oh, and I was also elected Vice-President of the Glee Club for this upcoming year, so I'm really stoked about that, too.

Today I had a discussion with my neighbor Zohar about whether or not I am jaded. In some sense, and in a few dimensions, I certainly am. Even though I know it's probably not the best way to approach things, I can't help but harbor an underlying pessimism when it comes to certain aspects of my life, just given what I grew up with and have experienced. But on the other hand, there are very many things for which I believe my attitude is as good as it ever was, and my underlying optimism and appreciation still going strong.

Nonetheless, I used Serena's offer of email secrets exchange to do a miniature vent of one of my life's regrets (not that I could really do anything about it). It felt nice to kind of reveal some of my inner vulnerability for once.